So this weekend was nothing short of the same as almost every weekend. John worked Saturday, I went the usual brunch with my mom at my sister's restaurant..Then followed by the mall, Sams Club and Wal Mart. Well I asked John to pick up the baby before we went to Wal Mart..Going in there on a Saturday by myself drives me to drink all in its own..going in there with an almost 2 month old..Haha nice joke. Well halfway through my trip John calls and Baby John is having a meltdown, LOSING HIS SHIT! And poor John wasn't far behind him..So being Super Mom! I rush to the rescue...Half of my shopping list done, I bolted like a bat out of hell back home! All was well when I got there(Cause it normally is) and with that John's friend came by so they could take the boat out! I went to dinner with my mom, step dad and my niece. Then spent the rest of Saturday and almost all day Sunday watching my man and the Potterhead Marathon..Love HP.. Love.
Sunday I had a girls lunch with Tanya, we went to Ghengis Grill which at this very moment is my absolute fave place to eat! Came home and John and I spent the entire day watching movies..Love days like these. Jaiden was party hopping with Mirtha again this weekend so we didn't see him until later Sunday! I love that he is so active with his dads side of the family, but I sure do miss him when he's gone!
So now onto what's really getting me..I absolutely hate hate double hate that I have to go back to work..EXACTLY ONE WEEK FROM TODAY! Can't I get a doctors note that says until I stop having random laughing/crying outbursts that I'm not mentally ready to return. But it's okay cause I'm not going to cry. The very last thing I want to do is return to work..I love my company and the people that I work with, but I love my kids more, and this is where I should be. I know everyone has their "I want to be a stay at home mom" days, but I truly do. I feel like with Jaiden that I missed so much of his growing up cause when he was a toddler, I worked 50+ hours a week, during Holiday's which if any one you work retail you know the hours fucking blow... Plus going to school full time, getting 20+ credits a semester...That's like 5 classes which leaves me mentally and physically exhausted when I was with him. Even my bosses were like I don't know how you do it! So I guess I feel guilty for working nights and weekends, when I should be attending every soccer game in full length and not leaving half way through, or being able to take my kids to every birthday party without having my mom or Jaiden's grandma to take him.
It will probably be different with the baby, kind of. I have John, which I did not have when Jaiden was a baby and a toddler. I was at the mercy of my parents and Jaidens grandma. But it still doesn't make me feel any better about going to work. I just wish I could win the lottery, or move somewhere that John could happily provide for us without my needing to work. Shit I would not mind being a farmer. Take me to the fucking country, give me a tractor and some cows and we'll live off the land. Together. As a family. No more bullshit working until 3am inventory, no more working at 6am the day after Christmas and for once being able to enjoy the entire Thanksgiving Day with my family without having to leave at 6pm, because the stupid fucking mall opens up at 8pm. Where the hell is my damn holiday? Just cause I work retail, I don't get the same holidays off???? All I can say is working in a shopping mall was fun in high school. Well guess what..I ain't in high school. And holidays with my family are more important to me than shopping for Vans. Truth.
Bottom line. I'm meant to be at home with my kids. I'm Sad that it's not the way it is.
End Rant.
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